


Ghosts of You

by thegirlintardisblue



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heartbreak, Hurt Chloe Decker, Lucifer in Hell, POV Chloe Decker, Post-Season/Series 04, Sad Chloe Decker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 18:32:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19362253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlintardisblue/pseuds/thegirlintardisblue
Summary: It's been a few weeks since that night. The hurt and the pain are nothing new, but there's something different about today-- the loneliness somehow hurts even more, the Lucifer-shaped hole in her heart throbbing with an unprecedented intensity.





	Ghosts of You

 

 

She had woken up with a strange weight on her heart. Not to say that she usually woke up all bright and happy (bright and happy had gone out the window when--- no), but today there was a lump in her throat that just _would not_ go away and her eyes felt as if they were waiting to tear up the exact moment she would let go.

Chloe let out a sigh, splashing water on her face. No matter how much it still hurt, she still had a job to do and a daughter to care for, and she just _could not_ let Trixie see her break down, not after her daughter had just lost yet another adult in her life. She squeezed her eyes shut for a minute, trying to force the tears back behind an impenetrable wall. If her attempt was a failure, well, Chloe never had been that great at hiding her emotions.   
  
She walked downstairs to find two sets of eyes looking at her warily, as if expecting her to fall apart at any moment. Focusing on Trixie’s wide, brown ones, Chloe reminder herself to _act normal_. 

 

“Hey, Monkey. Ready for breakfast?”

 

She had hoped that her act would be good enough to reassure the child, but it didn’t. Her daughter still watched her cautiously, and Chloe felt her heart break just a little more ( _and how much more could it break before she shattered completely, she wondered?)_ because no child deserved to watch both their parents break one after the other and _damn it_ her baby had seen way too much pain around her already.

 

“Decker,” her ex-roommate started, hesitance clear in her tone, “are you alright?”

 

Chloe didn’t know how to respond to that honestly, so she decided to nod instead. The persistent weight in her heart seemed to have made it impossible to speak.  


 

* * *

 

She had thought that the caution with which her daughter and friend had treated her with had been because they could see how wrecked she was, but it seemed like the entire precinct was treating her like a porcelain doll about to crash down. She could have sworn Officer Brook had stopped by her desk to say something, but the man had then awkwardly asked her the time and then shuffled away, never once glancing at the watch he always wore on his left wrist. Ella kept shooting glances at her, but the forensic expert never said a single word. All she would do was fidget constantly, and Chloe had to bite her tongue before she snapped at the woman. It wasn’t Ella’s fault that her nerves were already on edge, that she was barely keeping herself together. It was _him_.

 

She tried not to think about him, or rather, the hole he had left behind in her life. Work--which would once have served as the perfect distraction--was _hell_ (and oh did she regret using the word every time she thought or said it, choking up just for a second as she thought of white wings and a soft kiss and goodbye and tears and--). She felt like she was a second off-sync with everyone around her; pausing just a second too long after she said something for the (once) inevitable innuendo or remark that would follow, and walking with just a little too much space because she kept anticipating the presence of another tall body walking right behind hers. She wondered if she would ever get used to his absence, the devilish man whose presence seemed to have penetrated every atom of her heart and her life.

 

* * *

  


It wasn’t until she had curled up on her bed that night that she figured out why today had felt this lonely and _wrong_ .   
  
She had returned home utterly exhausted with the effort of keeping herself together, but she still noticed Trixie’s subdued face glancing at her every now and then. Dinner had been a quiet affair, and her daughter had spent a long time talking to Dan over the phone. Her former husband seemed to be better at grieving than her, and she was glad he was there for their daughter if and when she couldn’t pretend to be okay any longer. He had been out of town, visiting his family and trying to heal.   
  
At one point in the conversation, she saw her daughter frown at her and quietly whisper a “no” to her father. Trixie’s expression was enough for her to glean what Dan had asked, and she clenched her fist as she attempted to keep her face neutral.

 

“Mommy?” 

 

She looked up to find her daughter closer to her than she had expected. Trixie tilted her head, in a way that was _heartbreakingly_ familiar, before she asked, “Have you checked your phone today?”

 

She hadn’t. It had been a busy day, with the paperwork having piled on in the last few weeks as she attempted to perfect her ‘Detective Decker’ act in the precinct. She glanced down at the blank screen, the device having probably run out of battery hours ago.   
  
“Um, no, I haven’t,” she responded. “Could you plug it in to charge for me please, Monkey?”

 

The young girl’s face looked like there was more she wanted to say, but she appeared to think better of it. She nodded and slid off the chair to do as her mother had asked, and her phone was forgotten as the two focused on their meal. 

 

It was after she had washed the dishes and put her daughter to bed that she remembered the device. Grabbing it on her way to her bedroom, Chloe switched it on to find an incomprehensibly lost list of missed calls and messages. She frowned, because even if she hadn’t checked her phone today, there was no reason for it to blow up the way it had-- _unless_ there was an emergency with Trixie or Dan or her mom----

 

She swallowed, swiping the lock screen as she walked inside her bedroom, only to stop short.  
  
_“Happy Birthday, baby!"_

Her mother’s cheerful text was only the first in a barrage of similar messages, and suddenly she realized  _exactly_ why the entire precinct had been walking on eggshells around her today.

 

She stared until she couldn’t read the blurry words anymore, the tears she had worked so hard to control finally breaking free. She couldn’t hold back the sob as the realization crashed upon her.

 

 _He had missed her birthday again_.

 

She remembered being so angry at him for running off to Vegas, for leaving her alone on the one day she was supposed to feel loved and cherished.

 

And now…

 

Now she truly _was_ alone, her partner-best friend-the-love of her life in another plane of existence, rather than a few hundred miles away. 

 

Chloe knew she was crying, but she didn’t have the fortitude to keep her emotions at bay. She drifted off, her face buried in a tear-soaked pillow.

 

But she could have sworn that she felt someone gently stroke her face, accompanied by a soft kiss on her lips. She could have sworn that--just for that one moment--she felt Lucifer in the air around her, his voice a gentle whisper in the air.

 

 _“Happy birthday, Detective,”_ it breathed, and just for that one moment, her heart filled up with love and hope and peace. She slept better that night than she had ever since _that night_ , and if her smile was a little more real the next morning, well, she thought she might just heal from this too, eventually. The necklace that she had kept hidden away rested at her neck, a weight that reminded her that  _he always came back_ , and Lucifer had never once lied to her.   
  
He would come back.

He would find a way. 

  


End file.
